Why Did you Relocate To Florida? WHY!?

Readers of Epic Reflections, I have come back to you. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I assure you it does my heart good to know that somewhere out there someone is giving me the time out of their day or evening. I'm sure many of you are wondering what my blog is going to be about this time around. While I am certain I will have more installments of the "Defy Yourself" series I feel the need to clarify certain things about myself to many of you that probably have been wanting me to do so. Thus, this blog entry is entitled "Why?"
 

In this blog I will explain more why I've done some of the things I've done over the past few years in regards to myself, family, and friends. The first topic I would like to cover is the move to Florida the first time around, which was 2006. My logic was that I had done everything my parents had ever asked me to do and I wanted to seize the opportunity to experience life in the world outside of Philadelphia. I had fallen in love with the woman who is now the mother of my beautiful daughter Gabriella and, in addition to all that,  in my immediate family I felt it was time for me to find my own path. 

You see, I'm going to confess something to all of you. I always felt, up until the point of moving out of the house I was raised in, that I lived in a something of a bubble. Aside from the privilege of going on a cruise with my grandparents (An event that completely changed me as an individual and my worldview) I hadn't done anything for me. I did as I was told and that is what a son is supposed to do. I went to school, worked, and came home. In that order for the most part. I didn't go on any of my high school dances or proms because I just didn't have a lot of friends not to mention any friends of the opposite sex to even ask. All along I wanted to attend a co-ed school but my parents insisted on Roman Catholic so I went there and do my best. I was obedient, for the most part, at home towards my parents. Past all of that there was hardly ever much to me which was why I began to writer stories online and RPG on message boards. It was the only way I had to connect with like-minded youth in my age bracket/category. 

I'm simply going to come out and say it, I never had much of a life as a young man. However my sister was and is the polar opposite of me. I didn't have much a social life to speak of but at the same time I was not into being the "life of the party." I am and always will be more of a "behind the scenes" king of guy. I'm very private and discreet when it comes to my personal life. I don't need a lot of friends and I've never wanted a lot of friends. It's always been more about quality over quantity. With all that said, when I saw the opportunity to branch out on my own with the woman I loved in a state I had only been in once in my life (My best friend's family invited me to go with them to all of the parks in Florida in the summer of 2002) I knew what I had to do. Was I scared? Of course I was! I had been living with my mother and sister for all of my life and that dynamic was about to change. Yet, deep down inside of myself, I knew I had to leave in order to continue my personal growth.
 

This part is going to be hard for me right now, but I feel like it needs to be our there for all of my friends and family to read, especially my mother. I want to go on record and express that moving out of that house on Duffield Street was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my entire life. My mother gave me life and I have a love for her that no one, not even her, could possibly know the limits of because there is none. My grandmother has always been my rock and the foundation of our family. Nanny knows me better than I know myself in so many ways. She is my heroine and always has been because when my grandfather (who was and still is at the top of my list in terms of role models and heroes) passed away she found the strength to keep on keepin' on, so to speak. I can't imagine what it must be like to lose someone you'll spend and build a life with out of the blue and have no choice but to live because, as Nanny always says, "Life is for the living." Nanny suffered the tragedy of losing her only son to drugs and streets so I've always wanted to make her proud of me and the man I grew up to become. 

Now I am far from being a completed package and I have so much to learn and become as person, son, friend, father, and God willing one day, husband. I know that and I'm sure she does too but ultimately I know she is proud of me and I take pride in knowing this. The knowledge of this gives me strength in times of weaknesses. It inspires me to be better than I am because I know she wants that for me and always will.

Before I left I understood what my departure would mean. I knew that my grandmother, who knows me inside and out, would not be thrilled with the idea but no doubt would understand at the end of the day. She knew my upbringing and that I dedicated myself to my studies all of my life up until that point and wanted to experience the social part of life. I wanted to be able to make up for the time I sacraficed in the name of education. Even though I was sad that my time had come to venture out on my own I had inner peace because of the knowledge that I had carried myself in a manner that made her proud and would have made my grandfather proud as well. As cheesy as that may sounds it made the sacrafices I endured during elementary school all the way up through college worth it.
 

Nanny is the strongest black woman I've ever known but my mother continues that tradition. Relocating from Philadelphia to Florida the first time around was extremely difficult for me because of my infinite love for my mother. As a son, I am a firm believer that the love you have for your mother is unique and downright sacred. My mother has always been there even in those times when I wished I had more friends and was more like other kids my age. She helped me understand that being different wasn't a crime and that I wasn't the only one out there who felt how I felt. The worse thing about how I left, something I still have yet to forgive myself for, was the manner in how I left the house. I was being a real ignorant asshole when I was finishing packing my bags and, being a Virgo like myself, she wasn't in the best of moods either. I don't blame her either, her first born son was moving out to be with a woman she didn't really know all that much about in a completely different state. My mom is and has always been very protective of my sister and myself. When you consider the situations and circumstances my mother raised myself and my sister in I believe she's worthy of praise of the highest regard. 

If she ever reads this blog, which I'm pretty sure she will, I want her to pay close attention to my words. I love my mother and I owe my life to her. I deeply regret that I can't be more of a "finished product" in terms of the level of my manhood. I will be the first to acknowledge I am no where near being the level of man my father is. I strive to be but, at this point in my life, I still fall short. I wish I could express my gratitude for all the things she has given me. I wish I could show her how highly celebrated and praised she is inside of my heart and soul. I understand my actions are far from those of a son who loves his mother in this way but no one should mistake that for not feeling how I do. There are times I am, well, an enigma to myself. My only wish is that when my mother is in need of something that I am about to be her champion like she has consistently been a champion for me during these 31 years. 

 

Now let's go onto my "Beloved Sibling." I've always been close to my sister. It has been my job and mission to fight off all of the three-legged dogs that might try and pursue her. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not ridiculously overprotective but I did my job as brother to guard her from all of the hooligans and riff raff that might test their luck sniffing around her. Now the first time I left Philadelphia, I think my sister took it the hardest at first. We goofed off and laughed together for God knows how many days and nights. We understand each other and care for each other in ways only siblings do. The thing about the situation though was that Chrissy was born with a very special gift in the form of a singing voice. She also, due to her personality, made friends almost everywhere she went. She had no trouble getting any friends or getting invited to dances or proms, etc. She is a very social person who enjoys to get out there, party, drink, and have a good time. I'm not and as we got older she leaned towards people like her and I leaned more towards people like me. So while I knew I would miss her in ways only another brother could understand I knew she would be just fine. She was actually strong for my mother in certain instances from what I saw. I am very proud of my sister but I think she has only reached the tip of the iceberg in regards to talent. Now in terms of her personality life, the one three-legged dog that somehow managed to win her heart is a dude named Sean. He's proved that he is a good guy with a big heart over the years. Hell, he even helped take my dog to the SPCA to get put down in my absence one Christmas. All my hopes are for my sister is that she doesn't let this life get in the way of her dreams. I know how hard life can be and how easily it is to get lost in the daily grid but I know she has all of the talent to be all she ever wanted to be and more. Furthermore, I know that dreams can change over time. I want her to embrace the change if and when it happens. Finally, I want her to forgive my physical absence in her everyday life. I will always be with her in spirit and in her heart. I love her and pray for her every evening before I close my eyes along with all of our family and friends. I wish I didn't have to make hard decisions and could split myself up so that I could be with her, my fiance', my mother, and our grandmother but unfortunately it is impossible. I am proud of her and always will be for the woman she's grown into but I know there is still more. She's only getting started. I would implore her not to be distracted by those who are not for her and only for themselves. 

I spoke of my family and now it is time to speak of my friends. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I owe so much to my best friend. 

If it wasn't for him I wouldn't have ever discovered Daisy and now of what I have would be possible. I could go on and on about this guy but the first thing I am going to do is apologize. I promised him when we decided to be friends that I would never let any woman come between us. Now, I am not saying a woman has done that but I am sorry for having to make the choice all best friends eventually have to make. When I saw his cousin Daisy, I fell in love with her at first sight. I just knew she was the one for me. I had to go to her. even if I failed I had to try. It is hard to explain but I listened to my heart and followed it to her. I know it may not make a lot of sense but I just had to or I knew I would regret it for the rest of my life.

The idea was that I could be her hero and I could save her, but since then she has been my heroine and been my savior. She's saved me from myself in ways no one else in the world could really understand besides us. I know there are times when my best friend is wondering why I had to leave and why I didn't stay. I am going to answer that question for him by saying this, out of the both of us, he was always more self sufficient and independent. While I am fully capable of being so I have been spoiled in many ways that he hasn't. This is why he has his own ride, had his own apartment, etc. If many ways I was always trying to catch up to his maturity level in our friendship. In other words, I knew that he would be fine if I would to relocate. My only regret is that some hurtful things were said about me and the role I played in our friendship by a family member of his. Let it be known that my best friend is like the brother I never had in so many ways. Our friendship is what got me through high school and college and gave me the blessing of a second family. The man my best friend is has always inspired me to be the best me I can be. I pray everyday that God sends him a woman that is just right for him and treats him like like the awesome guy he is. I know this may sound corny but he's the only man I've ever known that has the integrity of Captain America himself. 

He's a good man and comes from a good family. To this day I am so proud and honored that they welcomed me into their family with open arms. Looking back I just wish I spent more time with him before leaving Philadelphia. I tend to be a little impulsive at times. I know he supported me when I exited Philadelphia and always will support me in all my endeavors it would have been awesome if Philadelphia wasn't Philadelphia and Daisy did not have all the bad memories and experiences of the past burdening her down. When I told Daisy I loved her I knew that I had to make some hard decisions. It would have been easier to stay for my own personal reasons but being with someone means putting them first. It is what a good boyfriend, and more importantly, a good husband does. We vowed to each other that we wouldn't put each other over the women in our lives because it's gay. So with all of this said I still miss him. He's my best friend and always will be. He's irreplaceable which makes it hard but at the same time makes me appreciate our history. I couldn't not have asked for a better Tag Team partner, but in this thing we call life I would like to think we both go on and become World Champions of Life like Bret Hart ...

....and neither of us end up like Marty Jennetty.  Sorry Marty. You did have some good matches with HBK though!

Sorry...wrestling fan moment there. 

Now I have a few other friends I'd like to address. My friends in South Philly! 

I recently joined their 20 Sides Designs Presents group. That group really had my back during some tough times. Since my relocation to Florida, return to Philadelphia, then Re-Relocation back I haven't seen them in a long time. I just want it to be known that I still love you guys like brothers and sisters. It was awesome having those anime marathons and gaming marathons when we were at Temple and they friendships brought something new and unique to my life. Even with me being in Florida they still include me and message me and respond to my stats. It is hard to find real friends in this day and age but I'm proud to say I have them in the form of all of you. The strength of all our your characters really gave me more strength in mine, if that doesn't sound too idiotic. 

Finally I would like to explain something to anyone and everyone who reads this. I have had some falsehoods spread about me during my first relocation to Florida. Some of these even questioned my loyalty to my friends and other members of my second family. I want to put everyone on notice and inform them of my policy regarding issues a person might have with me. It's simple and to the point. If you have a problem with me, pull me aside, and discuss it with me like an adult. I would encourage anyone who does to have enough respect for me and, of course, themselves to do so.

If you just have to run your mouth and talk all that Ca-Ca I got 3 words for ya...JUST BRING IT!

I always have plenty of THESE ready in the worse case senario!

But hey, we're all adults here...right? Yeah, that's one of my infamous catchphrases in case you all didn't know. I actually need to get some more in 2012-13. That is a late resolution for me. 

Next time I will go over how things lived or didn't live up to my expectations when I came back to Philadelphia and the reasons I felt I needed to make the journey back to Florida. 

 

This is going to be it for now guys. In the next blog I will cover why I write, what I write, and the impact my friends I write with have had on me. Tyler, Gids, Doc, Vipes, and Janet all of you guys are like family to me. I plan on dedicated a whole blog going into detail about how we are, what we do, why we do it and how our writing and friendships have stood the test of time. 

Farewell until then True Believers!!!