BOTHERED!!!

BOTHERED

 

Greetings. I am the Phoenix Pharaoh. Sometimes, when things Bother me, I sit down and write a Blog about…well…things that BOTHER ME!

 

Shall we get started? Ah...Voldemort suggest we "Begin..."

First thing, am I the other one who thinks News Anchors are some of the most annoying people on the face of the planet or what? Just look at them.  It doesn’t matter what channel you turn to they all have this fake smiles acting like all is good with the world as they proceed to tell you about all the death, hatred, ignorance, murder, rape, etc. that is happening just around the corner from you! It really bothers me how they interact with each other in front of the camera. Am I supposed to be entertained!? Am I supposed to think those idiotic jokes you all share are funny!? 

 For me there is one female weather forecaster on ABC Channel Six that has got to be the stupidest blonde I’ve ever seen on television in all my life. She is the Queen of the arkward silence that follows her jokes that no one gets or laughs at. Even the other anchors has confusion written all over their faces when she attempts to be funny or amusing in any way. The sheer stupidity of new anchors really makes me appreciate the scene in Bruce Almighty where he takes control of his arch rival while he is on the air and makes him say and do all kinds of things that ruin his reputation and his career. It’s priceless! However,  the King of Louisiana ripping out that new anchor’s spine on live television on an episode of Tru Blood last season was EPIC! If only it were real. If only…

 

The price of cereal is INSANE these days! Has anyone noticed!? I sure as hell have! I can’t even enjoy a delicious bowl of my favorite cereal without spending 5 bucks PLUS TAX for a box of cereal!? Pardon me, a box of cereal that has a bag inside of it with 10% air and 90% cereal. What happened to getting what you pay for!? If I pay for a box of cereal I want a whole damn box of cereal! And is it just me or are the sizes of cereal getting smaller but the prices of those same cereals increasing!? BOTHERED!

The Dallas Cowboys. America’s Team…MY BLACK ASS! Where do I start? Everything about them SUCKS ASS so much it’s hard to decide when to begin my rant. Whose idea was it to have a damn star on their helmet. That is just so stupid and it bothers me on countless levels. That ridiculous star is almost as dumb as the Cleveland Browns having JUST a brown helmet with a stripe in the center of it! I mean, come on! I don’t get it! What in the hell does a star have to do with being a Cowboy? Nothing. That’s what. And guess what, even if there is some smart ass Cowboys fan out there that will explain some kind of a connection, I still am bothered by you and your punk ass team. You should be ashamed of yourself for cheering for the Dallas Cowboys. By the way, anyone who proclaims them as America’s Team is about as intelligent as the turds in the toilet from the last dump I took yesterday night after work. America’s Team is whatever team is WINNING at the time. That title is like sticky icky that gets puffed and passed. Technically, if ANY team were worthy of that title it should be the Philadelphia Eagles since the foundation of our very nation was created and signed in the form of the Constitution. Let’s get real for one damn second! I am a firm believer that certain kinds of players play on certain kinds of teams. The kind of players that the Cowboys want are ones who run their mouth and prance and skip around like little girls at the playground everytime they are winning BUT also cry like them too when things aren’t going their way. That is why I call them Cowgirls. Look at their QB in Tony Romo. If you looked up the world TOOL a picture of his face would be plastered directly next to it. Despite me hating this team what actually fueled the rivarly we have with them was them being talented and having a certain kind of “Swag” to them. (I know. I hate using that word too but I couldn’t think of anything else that accurately described them) With Tony Romo as the leader of this team the Dallas Cowboys have as much “Swag” as a crackhead crossdresser down South Street. In my mind, they are no longer worthy adversaries. I’ve always hated them and always will but AT LEAST I respected them back in the day. Hey Cowgirls…things ain’t what they used to be. You girls GET NO LOVE from me! BOTHERED!

Black women with fake hair. Uh Oh. I know some of the, wait, MOST OF, the “sistas” are going to be mad at me for this but…WHO CARES!? Things have gotten out of control. I have walked by numerous stores strictly dedicated to selling fake ass hair of all lengths, shapes, and colors. It’s a disgrace. Why not try and take care of your hair instead of taking the shortcut and putting some artifical hair on top of your head. What’s worse is many black women take it to the next level and get all kinds of crazy ass colors looking like Lucky the Luprecain bitch slapped them with a box of Lucky Charms! No one is going to believe you were born with rainbow colored hair. It’s just shameful and downright embarrassing. The true horror of it all comes in when they take off the fake hair and reveal that nappy, damp, matted down hair underneath those wigs and extensions! I swear if you ever have the misfortune of seeing that you’ll start to hear Vincent Price’s voice just like in the Thriller video. That is how frightening it is. Black women of the world take pride of what God gave you and take care of your hair and stop being lazy and using artifical hair to make yourself seem like you can style your hair like women of other nationalities when you know, no matter what you do or say, you CAN NOT. Life is not fair. Get over and welcome to the real world, jackasses! BOTHERED!

 

The very last thing on my list for today are none other than the guys you see all over Center City walking around in suits. I call them suits. They have their little hot beverages and ipods walking around like they own the world. The truth is they don’t own anything, not even their own identity. They are all just goffers for some other suit that is higher than that and tells them to fetch their coffee and dry cleaning. The next time I see one of those massive tools lift their noses in the air at me I’m going to snatch their beloved hot beverages, pour it down their pants, kick them in the nuts, them proceed to give them a Tiger Driver right through their favorite table at Starbucks! 

Wearing a suit does not make you better than me or more of a man than me. Even if I had to wear a suit I would not walk around like a Super Snob with my nose in the air. You can pay for school but you can’t buy class, Ass Clowns! BOTHERED!